I miss home!

So I came here in April and by June I am ready to come home! I am feeling so forgotten and homesick! I miss my dogs and children running around chaos being created through the house. I miss the smells of St. George the red mountains of dirt. The Hot hot weather. I want to go swimming, talk to my friends there be with my family. Most of all I want to feel that need of being needed. Of being the one people I loved counted on for almost everything. I want to hear the kids say my name and run to me after being gone for a little while. The dogs barking and whining glad that their mom is home. Laughing with Lisa over something silly stupid that happened. Calling Stephanie to see how everything is going and if I needed to get anything for her. Hearing from Jay where he is when he was coming home and what he wants to do. I loved it all and being on my own was becoming very lonely.

The other part was the countdown for my sisters wedding. It was so close and I was going to miss one of the biggest parts of my baby sisters life! It hurt me to the core that I wasn't going to be there for it! After crying almost every night and sometimes during the day from this lonely ache I decided I had enough! I went to Dan's home where I told him I wanted to go home immediately. That I needed to be with my family and center myself once more, but I promised him I would come back. I just needed a week with my family, my heart and soul needed to be with them. Whats not better or happier then a beautiful wedding to see all of your family? I called my mom. She understood why I wanted to come home, but was afraid that if I came back I would not return to Japan. I told her I was only packing a carry on bag and leaving all of the rest behind so I had to return. Plus I had a contract and I was not going to break it. I am not a person who breaks promises if I can help it. I know that the schools are going to panic because of past ALT's disappearing with no word, but I couldn't think about that now. I would face the consequences after I came back. I would come back. Dan was kind and comforted me as I sat bawling on his couch for the 3rd night he was again at my side helping me through my crazy ache. He helped me get a plane ticket and formed a plan for me the next day so that I could be on the next flight asap.

The next morning I woke with a small headache like the past week. I shrugged it off got dressed and met Dan at the door. We were going to the B.O.E so I could explain and get the time off. When we got there I was quiet and kept my head down. I was trying hard not to cry and cause them to panic. They want nothing more than to keep me happy so I stay. This unexpected trip back home would be a shock to them. But I need it!!! Finally we meet with the man who gave me a contract. Dan explains the situation, shock then concern crosses his face. He asks, will you come back. I answer as confident as I could. "Yes I will come back. I just need to go home for a little bit." He nods, I explain part of it was for my sisters wedding. I was going to surprise her by being there. This brings a smile to his face and he tells me to congratulate her on her new happiness.  We leave there I feel a slow calm set in. I AM GOING HOME!

Then I refocus, I need to pack, clean the house, make sure Dan has the key. When I get to my hometown I must be happy and focus on Rachelle. It is her day! I will spend sometime with a friend who always makes me laugh search for a dress and then travel with my mom down to St. George to pack more of my things from my old home then fly back to Japan. I CAN DO THIS!

Everything set Dan takes me to the airport gives me a hug and says "Please come back!" I tell him I will and say "See you in a week!" Then go to board the first flight of my trip home. That week flew by with tears of joy and some of pain but it was what I needed and I felt whole again. I also missed being in Japan and by the end of the week, I was ready to go back.

Some days I still get homesick. Especially when I don't hear from my family and friends. Sometimes I still feel forgotten. But I know we are all busy and there is a huge time zone difference. I love you all! Thank you for being my rock when I feel weak. Without you I could not imagine doing this!